Week Thirty-One: The Things She Carried

...and that, Best Beloved, is how the Leopard got its spots. Oh, hello there! Welcome back to the blog. We have a lovely installment for you this week. Full of dreams and imagination and memories and strange things. Alright, truth be told, this week is all about those things I find any and every time I decide to initiate a Great Purge. Doesn't always happen in the spring/summer, but does happen on a fairly regular basis. As I've moved hither and yon, I've accumulated rather a lot of stuff. Some of that stuff is useful and meaningful, but most of it is the byproduct of my tendencies to ferret away frightfully useful things that may or may not be needed or wanted at a later date. These, Dear Readers, are my skeletons. Please don't judge me too harshly...

Day 1 (211): 7th of July
Best thing about this week? Other than the mere four days of work required, the leaving on a jet plane and heading west young man is the highlight. By late evening on Saturday, I'll be safe in the bosom of the ancestral home where things make sense and I can bask in the glow of denial. Makes all other Life silliness bearable in the interim. Also motivates the Purge, as some things will be carried back Stateside for donation or destruction. Turns out I have some rather odd things in the running for Purge. Both impulse buys and strange things with unknown origins. For example, one hideous uncomfortable pair of sun specks (yes I tried them on), and one odd Happy Meal-looking bobble head toy that I know I've had for at least two moves, but I've not the foggiest from whence it came, or really even why it exists at all...

Then of course we have the pile of things that have either not been touched for years or have just far outlived their purpose. Here we have some ancient burgled airplane headphones, the charger from a Nokia I had in college, an underwater film camera (film still in it...), the charger/sync station from my 2006 Dell palm pilot (it was free and has since disappeared), and finally a 2012 planner (with not a single mark in it). Who does this?

Day 2 (212): 8th of July
An unfortunate side effect of digging in drawers is that the hits just keep on coming. One odd discovery begets another and so on. The heap of long expired birth control gave way to three cans of unused film and more odd bits of paper than I care to detail. Furthermore, found a stack of C4ISR magazines from 2011 (gosh I'm nerdy), a v rusty slinky, a random thing of lavender tea (probably stolen from a Hong Kong hotel considering the chinese lettering), gun oil, and not one but two packs of (expired) dollar store C batteries.

My many deployments and travels have resulted in the accumulation of much foreign currency, such as Japanese, Malaysian, Korean, Singaporean, Emirati, etc. Don't even get me started on the amount of Djiboutian Francs I still have. So much Monopoly money. At some point I acquired some odd plastic christmas toys with parachutes. And at the bottom you'll find a beaded bracelet I made a million years ago when having beaded bracelets was just the coolest.

Day 3 (213): 9th of July
As a wanderer of the world, I stay in many hotels, be they on ships, bases, or in normal towns. I also take things from hotels. Like keys (that I forget to shred), and apparently coffee singles, sugar, and pens. Sadly this is but a small portion of the amount I've discovered throughout the Purge.

Good Lord. It just keeps going. Must be a compulsion. Who needs this many notepads?

Day 4 (214): 10th of July
Nope. Nothing exciting in life at the moment (is there ever?) But honestly, what is this? A bag of marble-y things (with a hole in it so they can spill all over the place), and a scary finger puppet.

Good news, readers - I have graduated from places. And apparently needed several hat tassels to do so. Was I wearing three hats upon my high school graduation? And two after University? Good grief.

Day 5 (215): 11th of July
Hello. My name is Rodeo and I am a pack rat. If you give a Rodeo a little container, she will fill it with whatever will fit. For example, what to do with a Jelly Belly tin? Why not fill it with nothing but pennies, a pair of earrings, a marble-y thing, and movie ticked stubs from 2009.

I do tend to buy a lot of notebooks. It is a compulsion. Some of these have nothing in them, and some have loads of chicken scratch and doodles (apparently I have long been a doodler).

Day 6 (216): 12th of July
Ahhhh Business Class... America Bound! No more to say. But the things on the chopper this time are t-shirts. A great stack. Either impulse buys, grab bag buys, or random too-big shirts I'd have happily rocked at the age of 8, when I figured the bigger a shirt was, the better (thanks, '80s). Also some dresses that are either too big, too small (I've been many a size in my life), or too hard to explain (try things on, people!). All are getting their own bag for carriage back home. For photo purposes, my collection of nail polish that I've not used in rather a long time. So many colours.

Quality, no? Clearly I use these all the time...

Golly, Claire's?? Why? And When?

Day 7 (217): 13th of July
Erasers... so many erasers. This must have been a thing when I was just a wee young lass.

Yes. Polaroid. So much Polaroid. This one still has 3 photos left in the film.

Most importantly, I carry my memories. Daw... Gosh we look young.

My skeletons. And this has only been the tip of a large, frightening iceberg. Necessary evils, indeed. 

Week Twenty-Eight: The Personality of a Hamper

One personality quiz determined that I am a visual thinker (I think in pictures). That is probably closest to the truth, as demonstrated by my chronic flight of ideas and ability to only really remember faces (rather than names). This week I learned that a good friend (and one of the nicest people I've ever met) has been revisited by that jackass known as cancer. Several years of remission and now this uninvited jerk shows up and causes a ruckus. You may or may not know him, but if you're reading this, please send him your anti-cancer mind bullets. As my mind has not been terribly focused, I thought I'd let totally unscientific internet personality tests write the blog for me.

Day 1 (190): 16th of June
Apparently my mental age is 27 (the test is shooting a bit high). Thus I think I already understand life and know what I want from it, but deep down am not that sure. Mentally I'm almost a true adult but not just yet - am still at that stage of being a little (a little?) confused. I've a feeling that will persist for some time. More interestingly, my dragon type is a Hydrophius (Water Dragon), which can change shapes, though it spends most of its time as water itself. If one is a Hydrophius, one is a gentle, but powerful, go-with-the-flow kind of person. I watch over from a distance, and spend much time on thoughts and whimsy. Not too far off. Here is a dragon in water (on my living room floor, thanks to sideways rain coming in under the door.

Day 2 (191): 17th of June 
What does my favourite Star Wars character say about me? I've got two. If I like Ewoks, I'm apparently kind of a libertarian. I'm a proud nonconformist, and don’t mind showing love for something that other people dismiss as lame and corny (well that's certainly true). I value hard work and community, and don’t particularly care for technology or government (hmmmm...not sure about that part). On the other hand, if I like Yoda, I want to be wise (so you're saying I'm not?). I hold teachers and authority figures in high regard, and hope to one day share my wisdom. I have little patience for people who have a lot of excuses, and only respect people who can prove themselves as capable and responsible (ok - you've got me there, quiz).

What type of woman am I? According to the internet, I am a true independent woman. I love and live for accomplishing goals on my own. I don't like to rely on others for things I can do by myself, but I also know there's no shame in asking for help from time to time (doesn't mean I do it). I take great pride in my many accomplishments (hmmmm). I'll settle for my many photographs. 

Day 3 (192): 18th of June
If I were a trendy food, what would I be?  If a quiz is to be believed, trendy foods probably aren't my thing, so I go for something that's a twist on a classic: beer. I'm a great balance of chill and party. I probably would have just as much fun staying in watching TV as you would going out to a club. That is rather close to the mark. I've little tolerance for things like quinoa and kale smoothies. Another quiz thinks I'm specifically a hefeweizen, which means I'm hard to brew correctly, am fun-loving and sweet, but surprisingly strong. Once people take the time to get to know me, almost everyone loves me (not sure about that). This is not a hef. And it didn't quite fill the glass. Blast.

In a totally off the mark (I think) moment, the quizmakers in the sky think others perceive me as sunshine. I am a very kind and fun-loving person. People are drawn to my bubbly personality (gahahaha). I get along with anyone and everyone and people love to be around me (cannot type that with a straight face). I am an optimist and have a winning smile (no-ish and yes - thanks, orthodontics). I simply glow (now you're just being funny). Stuff the quiz; this is sun the way I like it.

Day 4 (193): 19th of June
In honour of having finally seen the new film, my X-men character is apparently Wolverine. I am a fierce, mean, killing machine (totally - I can kill me a burger or pizza). I have a big heart and even bigger claws (meh, ok). Most days I just want people to leave me alone (true), but when someone's in danger, I will be the first to rally up the troops (or just barge in with no plan at all). In related news, I am also an American Black Bear. Found throughout the forests of North America (I wish), I am the most American of bears. When I'm not being the mascot of the University of Maine or warning about the dangers of forest fires, I like to wander through the woods seeking berries, insects and the occasional fish. Or in my case, wear 49ers jerseys (and be not black at all). 

In another rather daunting figure comparison, my Pulp Fiction character is Jules. I'm a cool dude capable of bad things. But when the universe directs me to something profound and new, I listen. Those moments of  clarity keep you grounded (and alive). Words to live by: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of the evil man (and sometimes cat).

Day 5 (194): 20th of June
Despite the security of my present job, I clearly cannot do this forever. So, Internet, what job should I have? I should be a writer. I have a skill for language, my imagination is vast and I am artistic and creative (well, maybe autistic). My brain is just overflowing with ideas, and all I have to do is get a piece of paper and share it with the world. I was born to turn words into magical stories. This I can get on board with. I do love writing. But really, what if I were TARDIS'ed to the Wild West? What then? I'd be a Cowboy. No regular job for me! I like to feel free, roam the open desert, get  my hands dirty, and come back to my lovely wife (I've heard those are useful) at home. So I should put that cigar in my mouth and step outside - the horses are waiting for a ride. A Cowboy Writer... Ok, I'm game.

And as that cowboy writer, what ought my hair colour be? With the Strawberry Blonde hair color, my warm, funny and outgoing personality will pop right out (so long as that is all that pops out). People will see me as I really am straight away: a loving, curious and adventurous person. Whew. Don't have to change it. Thanks, genetics! But yes, this is an odd photo (and not the oddest one I took in the session...)

Day 6 (195): 21st of June
In honour of recently watching the finale of Game of Thrones, I do wonder which woman from the show I am most like... And apparently it is Ygritte the Wildling (was hoping for Mother of Dragons, but I'll take the ginger). I'm a free spirit, strong and independent (and ginger). I don't take orders from just anybody, but I might let my guard down for the right person (unless he knows nothing; in that case I shoot him). So who would that right person be? The winner is The Hound. Turns out I have a thing for bad boys, scars, and probably have the urge to live a carefree lifestyle. This monstrous hound of a man might seem scary, but every once in a while I'll see his soft side. Hmmm. Alright. Ygritte is totally a fox (and ginger). The Fox and the Hound? Anyone? Anyone?

And who would we fight as an unbeatable pair as we roamed Westeros? My arch nemesis is - Gwyneth Paltrow. I must not trust Gwyneth Paltrow. She could be in my home right now, hiding in my cupboard, waiting with a freshly blended green smoothie in hand, ready to destroy me. Perish the thought. Must not let this happen. 

Day 7 (196): 22nd of June
To close out the week, we shall look at where I belong. I travel so much and never seem to settle, so where is it that I ought to live? The quiz thinks Ireland (Okay, I'm in). I'm outgoing, confident, and magnetic (or introverted, self-deprecating, and awkward). I can make the best out of a bad situation (true), and can make fun of myself at the same time (more true). Though Ireland may be small, it packs a punch, from music to literature to architecture - not forgetting the scenery. Pour a Guinness (meh), throw on some Pogues (yes!), and pull up a chair. We're only just getting started.

But if my Irish self were to flee to America and attempt the Oregon Trail, how would she die? Oh my. I guess it would be dysentery (how unpleasant). But I ought not be ashamed, for this is a classic death. If I spent more time purifying my water and properly cooking (ha!) my meat, things might have turned out Okay. But I just could't resist canoodling with that cutie in the covered wagon. Damn.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Week Eleven: Colour Me Crazy

So it is getting late on a Sunday and I've not yet done the things I need to do. And the Italian Internet Gods have had a sense of humour again. They do this. Super fast when I'm farting about doing nothing, but if I want to do homework or this blog or catch up on Call the Midwife or buy passes for Comic-Con, it slows to a crawl that makes a three-toed sloth look like Speedy Gonzales. Did I date myself? Probably. So does THIS WHOLE BLOG. Whew. That's out.

Day 1 (71): 17th of February
Days off are grand. Less so when there is work to do at home, but who cares? It's a day off! That said, I let it get away from me like I was in it to win it. I think the below shots reflect the letting things slide angle. Even Mondays off can have the Mondays. The evening sky was pretty good. Didn't even mess with this one.

This I did mess with. Because it is silly. And a bit creepy. I get to see this demon smile every time I look out into my garden. Thank you, Wall-building Antonio. Thank you for giving me something to haunt my every dream.

Day 2 (72): 18th of February
In celebration of something, my house alarm decided to have a tantrum. The repercussions of this were that when I got home, my key set the alarm off, rather than turning it off. Then it was an all out battle to shut off the brain-melting, conniption-inducing racket. Four hours later, the problem was fixed. Was able to get an answer for the age-old question of, "how many Neapolitans does it take to change a lightbulb?"  The answer is seven. One alarm technician, three brothers, two sons, and one daughter to supervise the male efforts. Oh, and a ladder, much arguing, and many cigarettes. The fellow up the ladder only almost fell off twice. While I waited for that joy to commence, I caught this little dear on the wall of my house. Inn't he the cutest? Cue spider-phobe nightmares. For you. I'm waaaay too cool to be frightened of a little spider.

The sky was rather cool in the evening, too. So there's that. Do love some sky porn. Not v exciting, but ah well. My brain melted out my ears thanks to the alarm, so there.

Day 3 (73): 19th of February
The quality of the below is entirely dependent on how close one looks. These rather long days at work make the taking of decent photos rather more difficult. Not just because of the late hour I get to leave, but also because my Brain works rather less well after all this. And the equation of computers + Italian internet equals my desires to attend Nerdvana stymied for now. Piss on it. One more shot. Other kinds of shots are below. First, the garage when I leave at night. Looks slightly creepy, no?

How's about I make it blackandwhite!!.... duh duh duh..... Find your car, now, smartarse... IF YOU DARE...

And because I've completely lost my mind... a candle on the kitchen counter.

Day 4 (74): 20th of February
Not sure what even to say here. This may be another of those "skip on to the next day" days. I had massive homeworks to do and this was the best my brain could fathom during a period of mental rest and let's face it. It's not great. Call it "Nerd Things"

"Nerd Tools" because I had schoolbooks and a new comic and shoes.

Day 5 (75): 21st of February
This was a gargantuan effort. My earlier back spasm left me in a state best left undescribed. Once I was vaguely able to be upright, I went for the simple. A session with my guitar, which in this instance was better for my neighbours, as it involved only taking photos, rather than my playing. This first one I got more or less right and didn't even need to edit it.

This one took an edit or two, but meh. My Kingman (her name's Felix) looks good in grey.

Day 6 (76): 22nd of February
Not going to lie. Much of this day was spent horizontal, and not for the fun reason. Damn this body for not bouncing like it used to. Still stiff and sore as something incredibly stiff and sore. They told me this would happen. But the magic of the drinking bird made me feel better. OK. Not really. But he is fun. Even when not drinking anything.

Day 7 (77): 23rd of February
Weird day. Weird weather. But got out for a bit and found a neat spot in what we call "toxic farmland" where there were cool trees and the clouds were all cloudy. I cropped out the bit that looked a bit funky - thus the odd shaped photo. But not much of an edit. Should have taken the tripod and filters, but them's the breaks.

And the 'zact same thing, but looking all crazy. Thank you gratuitous Lomo filter.

Piss poor bodies that fail and Internets that fail and Thirty-year-olds that fail notwithstanding, we carry on. Keeping calm ideal, but not entirely necessary. Just don't make too much a fuss, ok?

Week Four: Requiem for Oldies

To celebrate the passing of another year in which I did not get arrested, maimed, sued, murdered, or fired, I thought I'd have a bit of fun this week, by taking perfectly nice pictures and putting them through the oldification engine. Not through Instagram (though that certainly is fun, and may be a topic of a later post), but rather with some prune wombat software I have. OK. Maybe not that PW, but Pruner Wombat than my camera. We'll just see what you think.

Day 1 (22): 30th of December
Stuff happens. There was a wee earthquake last night. At first I thought the ruddy great tractor the farmer nearby had been doing godknowswhat with all day had run into my house. That or I was going mad. Then I saw my TV wobbling and the stringy things on the ceiling fan dancing about. Not a whopper by any means - I think the Scientists said a five-point-something 60 miles away. Mostly I sat hoping that this was not a "Surprise, Vesuvius woke up" thing. Then I resigned myself to possible death and went back to my business. Only so much a girl can do on a Sunday evening. Days like today are interesting. Both a Monday and a Friday, people don't seem to know what exactly to do. In depth projects can hardly be to focus of effort, but new tasking is likewise not the best idea, due to the mental sloughing that will inevitably occur round about 1500. There are certainly things need done. Cars need serviced. Papers need filed. Food needs bought. Probably more things as well. For now, there is this. Played with both the greyscale and sepia settings, and this is what I ended up with. Looks all scratchy and old...

 Less exciting with just the trunk in the shot... will remember that next time.

Was just going to leave it at that, but then I went out to check on the boys and saw one orange fluffball making horrible noises at a muddy bloody ball of wet that had the relative shape of the orange one's previously orange brother. Got him a bit towelled off, but the poor thing is clearly banged up and hurt, and while he was tolerant (and somewhat appreciative) of my cuddles and conciliatory gestures, he kept making horrible "owww, that hurts" noises. Gosh, has me in a horrible state. Totally neurotic about a bloody stray cat. Good grief.

Day 2 (23): 31st of December
Ugh. Still a bit neurotic about Daft Merry. Looks more like a cat but still not a happy camper. Am such a sop I just get gutted by four leggedys in pain. Ugh indeed. If only I could convince a feline of the benefits of the Mighty Cuppa. Must refocus efforts on Rest of Day. Though Rest of Day entails v little, as Plan A is to be mildly energetic with a quick workout, but spend the rest of the day as a Listless Layabout. Yesterday was an indoor thing made old, so today's experiment is to do an outdoor thing. Tried bits of the house, bits of the wall/fence, bits of flowers, and bits of trees, all with my warming filter on, to see what that does for the Oldification Process. Results?

 Turns out that while I like going true greyscale, sometimes futsing with the saturation and intensity of the greyness makes is cooler (to me), as it keeps a little bit of the colour.

Day 3 (24): 1st of January (2014! gosh)
Really Gosh. Mad cliche to be amazed at the passing of time into another year, but I guess things are a cliche for a reason. If following good Life Plan, should have Life sorted by now. Don't have Life sorted. Make resolution to get Life sorted? Nah. Resolutions are supposed to be reasonable. Today for example is "clean house, you slob." The dust bunnies will kill you in your sleep like feral dogs. And enjoy Nice Day for taking piccies. Filter free work, but a little inside and out, since my mind is all ideas and usually little action, and when the action happens things get a little spacey. This time went all sepia, all the time. V old timey waterspout...sure it is. A bit better with the composition, though (maybe??)

This was a little fun I had with a fabric shower curtain I bought to use as a privacy screen, but turns out is nearly totally sheer. Who wants a sheer fabric shower curtain? Honestly, that is just madness. So now it is a cloth backdrop for candles. And a fob watch. That might look familiar to certain people in the audience... you know who you are.

Day 4 (25): 2nd of January
Still 2014. Will get over this eventually. Will not, however, get the date right on gas coupons and work papers for a while yet. Be reasonable. Even second guessed myself a few times to the point that I was putting 2012 on things.... Have waxed a bit poetic about the significance of a new year, and sadly came to a highly pessimistic conclusion. I want to see golden opportunities to start afresh and anew and again and asuch. Humans make that hard. To avoid being too terribly Deborah Downer about things, it'll suffice to say that for this Weary Traveler, a new year will simply mean a new date, and hoping to keep on the current path. My, how uplifting. Not my fault. Got rear-ended on the way to work, and after darting off, the twat who hit me had the gall to go to the authorities and want to press charges. After Breaking My Car. Gee, sir. So sorry my car's ass damaged your hood when you plowed into me at great speed. Let me do what I can to help you out. Any rate, felt not brilliant when Gertie and I limped home, so I used the same silly cloth backdrop but changed the subject. Had been thinking about doing something with my cowboy boots, so today was that day. Did one in BW, but went all funny, so the Sepia-y one wins. Not the best, but was not at my best.

Day 5 (26): 3rd of January
Life carries on. Got to stretch Indy's legs today, which was really v therapeutic for us both. Nothing quite like a nice 0500 bike ride to zen out the brain. Bad Things Be Gone! Why can't all problems be so easy to solve? They really are, when it comes right down to it. If only Italian weather and roads were more conducive to frequent rides... Or really, if only I were less of a wuss and had proper rain gear. Meh, as they say. Got lucky both ways today. The Gods may be Crazy, but sometimes, they're rather kind. Days slowly getting longer, so there was more light (ish) when I was home, but Mr. Tri Pod still got some play, as the longer exposure was rather necessary. Bloody wind was not helping in that regard. It couldn't even play nice and give a nice arty blur in the background. No. Had to be splodgy. Many poor lemon (lime?) tree shots later, finally settled on a pair of stone garden things that seemed to me entertained by my misfortune. After treatment, is a bit too bright in the middle, but I think it looks kinda cool.

Day 6 (27): 4th of January
Things happen. Woke this morning with but one thought: "Why are you awake? It is 0525 on a SATURDAY! And you've nowhere to be! And that was a nice dream this time. And wow... your neck rather still smarts a bit, no?" Fine. That was several thoughts. Not even sorry. Well, maybe a little. All rainy and drudgey today, which means Little Hermit Annie has her day. Non-worky Car and non-rain-ridey Me means no-leavey house. But there are things. Things to do. Like... continue re-binge on Copper, or read new book (!!). Maybe dust a shelf or two... Bah. TO THE COUCH! Oh, all right. VIA THE GYM! Took two sort of similar shots today, but the second one started out as a good idea and in the end failed to make me happy (hmmm... metaphor, anyone?). I'll show it any rate. First one seems simple and boring, but for some reason, I really like it. So v non-Americany but non-specific-placey. And the light really felt good. Why? How should I know? Not like I'm a professional. Just a Bloody-Minded Nerd with a Camera.

And Number Two... mleh (splotchiness was my doing in post)

Day 7 (28): 5th of January
Cursed weather. Splendid thunder boomer, but it is just enabling my slothful nature. Spent the morning blasting country music (neighbours be damned) and fighting with my Photo Plan. Reason for the country music was that I woke with "Hungry Eyes" in my head, after my dream got it stuck there. Was like some odd avant garde play, where myself and three friends were sitting around a table drinking tea, whilst mass riots and violence and explosions and etc were happening all about behind us. The ruckus made only muted noise; most of the sound came from pouring tea and the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. OK dreamologists - what the bloody eff does that mean? Back to the pic. Tried umpteen zillion different set ups and poses and things to add or subtract (when dealing in RAW, starts to take up space on the card...) and finally got something I kinda like. The original colours were pretty cool, but that is not the point this week. So there. The books are boxes and the little necklace is a christmas pressie from Home. The backdrop this time is a pair of wraparound "Djibouti Pants" in shiny blue that I got for some amount of local currency in - you guessed it - Djibouti. They are flowy and pretty and comfy.

Thing at the End. Damn. Seems I've forced myself to write something summatory at the end of these things. Does remarking on that fact count? Probably not. Wisdom or Commentary is better. Relevance is Optional. Ok. End of Week Four. Seems like a monumental thing for someone like me. But a month is just a month. And really is not a proper month till the 9th of January. New year opened with a bang, though, eh? Wish it had been a bit less literal about it, though. Ah well. Little Harm, Little Foul. Well, OK. Bigish Foul on the part of the soandso that hit me. But serves me right, I suppose, for being In the Way.