Sunday, 22 June 2014

Week Twenty-Eight: The Personality of a Hamper

One personality quiz determined that I am a visual thinker (I think in pictures). That is probably closest to the truth, as demonstrated by my chronic flight of ideas and ability to only really remember faces (rather than names). This week I learned that a good friend (and one of the nicest people I've ever met) has been revisited by that jackass known as cancer. Several years of remission and now this uninvited jerk shows up and causes a ruckus. You may or may not know him, but if you're reading this, please send him your anti-cancer mind bullets. As my mind has not been terribly focused, I thought I'd let totally unscientific internet personality tests write the blog for me.

Day 1 (190): 16th of June
Apparently my mental age is 27 (the test is shooting a bit high). Thus I think I already understand life and know what I want from it, but deep down am not that sure. Mentally I'm almost a true adult but not just yet - am still at that stage of being a little (a little?) confused. I've a feeling that will persist for some time. More interestingly, my dragon type is a Hydrophius (Water Dragon), which can change shapes, though it spends most of its time as water itself. If one is a Hydrophius, one is a gentle, but powerful, go-with-the-flow kind of person. I watch over from a distance, and spend much time on thoughts and whimsy. Not too far off. Here is a dragon in water (on my living room floor, thanks to sideways rain coming in under the door.

Day 2 (191): 17th of June 
What does my favourite Star Wars character say about me? I've got two. If I like Ewoks, I'm apparently kind of a libertarian. I'm a proud nonconformist, and don’t mind showing love for something that other people dismiss as lame and corny (well that's certainly true). I value hard work and community, and don’t particularly care for technology or government (hmmmm...not sure about that part). On the other hand, if I like Yoda, I want to be wise (so you're saying I'm not?). I hold teachers and authority figures in high regard, and hope to one day share my wisdom. I have little patience for people who have a lot of excuses, and only respect people who can prove themselves as capable and responsible (ok - you've got me there, quiz).

What type of woman am I? According to the internet, I am a true independent woman. I love and live for accomplishing goals on my own. I don't like to rely on others for things I can do by myself, but I also know there's no shame in asking for help from time to time (doesn't mean I do it). I take great pride in my many accomplishments (hmmmm). I'll settle for my many photographs. 

Day 3 (192): 18th of June
If I were a trendy food, what would I be?  If a quiz is to be believed, trendy foods probably aren't my thing, so I go for something that's a twist on a classic: beer. I'm a great balance of chill and party. I probably would have just as much fun staying in watching TV as you would going out to a club. That is rather close to the mark. I've little tolerance for things like quinoa and kale smoothies. Another quiz thinks I'm specifically a hefeweizen, which means I'm hard to brew correctly, am fun-loving and sweet, but surprisingly strong. Once people take the time to get to know me, almost everyone loves me (not sure about that). This is not a hef. And it didn't quite fill the glass. Blast.

In a totally off the mark (I think) moment, the quizmakers in the sky think others perceive me as sunshine. I am a very kind and fun-loving person. People are drawn to my bubbly personality (gahahaha). I get along with anyone and everyone and people love to be around me (cannot type that with a straight face). I am an optimist and have a winning smile (no-ish and yes - thanks, orthodontics). I simply glow (now you're just being funny). Stuff the quiz; this is sun the way I like it.

Day 4 (193): 19th of June
In honour of having finally seen the new film, my X-men character is apparently Wolverine. I am a fierce, mean, killing machine (totally - I can kill me a burger or pizza). I have a big heart and even bigger claws (meh, ok). Most days I just want people to leave me alone (true), but when someone's in danger, I will be the first to rally up the troops (or just barge in with no plan at all). In related news, I am also an American Black Bear. Found throughout the forests of North America (I wish), I am the most American of bears. When I'm not being the mascot of the University of Maine or warning about the dangers of forest fires, I like to wander through the woods seeking berries, insects and the occasional fish. Or in my case, wear 49ers jerseys (and be not black at all). 

In another rather daunting figure comparison, my Pulp Fiction character is Jules. I'm a cool dude capable of bad things. But when the universe directs me to something profound and new, I listen. Those moments of  clarity keep you grounded (and alive). Words to live by: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of the evil man (and sometimes cat).

Day 5 (194): 20th of June
Despite the security of my present job, I clearly cannot do this forever. So, Internet, what job should I have? I should be a writer. I have a skill for language, my imagination is vast and I am artistic and creative (well, maybe autistic). My brain is just overflowing with ideas, and all I have to do is get a piece of paper and share it with the world. I was born to turn words into magical stories. This I can get on board with. I do love writing. But really, what if I were TARDIS'ed to the Wild West? What then? I'd be a Cowboy. No regular job for me! I like to feel free, roam the open desert, get  my hands dirty, and come back to my lovely wife (I've heard those are useful) at home. So I should put that cigar in my mouth and step outside - the horses are waiting for a ride. A Cowboy Writer... Ok, I'm game.

And as that cowboy writer, what ought my hair colour be? With the Strawberry Blonde hair color, my warm, funny and outgoing personality will pop right out (so long as that is all that pops out). People will see me as I really am straight away: a loving, curious and adventurous person. Whew. Don't have to change it. Thanks, genetics! But yes, this is an odd photo (and not the oddest one I took in the session...)

Day 6 (195): 21st of June
In honour of recently watching the finale of Game of Thrones, I do wonder which woman from the show I am most like... And apparently it is Ygritte the Wildling (was hoping for Mother of Dragons, but I'll take the ginger). I'm a free spirit, strong and independent (and ginger). I don't take orders from just anybody, but I might let my guard down for the right person (unless he knows nothing; in that case I shoot him). So who would that right person be? The winner is The Hound. Turns out I have a thing for bad boys, scars, and probably have the urge to live a carefree lifestyle. This monstrous hound of a man might seem scary, but every once in a while I'll see his soft side. Hmmm. Alright. Ygritte is totally a fox (and ginger). The Fox and the Hound? Anyone? Anyone?

And who would we fight as an unbeatable pair as we roamed Westeros? My arch nemesis is - Gwyneth Paltrow. I must not trust Gwyneth Paltrow. She could be in my home right now, hiding in my cupboard, waiting with a freshly blended green smoothie in hand, ready to destroy me. Perish the thought. Must not let this happen. 

Day 7 (196): 22nd of June
To close out the week, we shall look at where I belong. I travel so much and never seem to settle, so where is it that I ought to live? The quiz thinks Ireland (Okay, I'm in). I'm outgoing, confident, and magnetic (or introverted, self-deprecating, and awkward). I can make the best out of a bad situation (true), and can make fun of myself at the same time (more true). Though Ireland may be small, it packs a punch, from music to literature to architecture - not forgetting the scenery. Pour a Guinness (meh), throw on some Pogues (yes!), and pull up a chair. We're only just getting started.

But if my Irish self were to flee to America and attempt the Oregon Trail, how would she die? Oh my. I guess it would be dysentery (how unpleasant). But I ought not be ashamed, for this is a classic death. If I spent more time purifying my water and properly cooking (ha!) my meat, things might have turned out Okay. But I just could't resist canoodling with that cutie in the covered wagon. Damn.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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